Is Divorce the Answer or can you work it out?:

Divorce is a traumatic event in anyones life, adult or child. It is more than the separation of 2 married people, it is a life changing event that alters how you view relationships, money, love, and responsibility. In almost all situations, we strongly recommend trying to work out the differences you and your spouse have. You should not even be considering divorce until you have exhausted all resources in trying to make your marriage work. Sometimes looking internally for change is a start. See what you can do to make things better. A good marriage counselor can help solve marital issues and avoid divorce. Divorce can be especially painful for children who don't always understand adult situations very well and you may need to get the child into counseling as well for their own emotional protection. Divorce hearings can take up to 1 year so expect a long, drawn out fight from both sides since much will be at stake. Finding a good lawyer who will fight for you and your needs is the best place to start. Perhaps you know a friend or co-worker who went through a divorce and they can give you some advice on how to get started. There is a great website at Divorcesupport.com which provides information on family law topics such as child custody, divorce, visitation, child support, alimony and property division. There are questions and answers to many of the most common issues that arise before and after a divorce.

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Finding a good divorce lawyer:

The battle is usually won in the trenches we always hear and that is no different in a divorce. Choosing the right divorce lawyer can win or lose your case from the start. Divorce is never a pretty picture and when kids are involved or there has been affairs or adultery things can get nasty. A good divorce attorney will determine what is in your best interest and proceed accordlingly with filing the proper divorce forms and paperwork to get the process started. There will be many emotional twists and turns throughout a divorce and an attorney should help you prepare for those. As a recommendation, please find a divorce lawyer that you feel comfortable with, that sees things from your point of view, and that has good references. You will find that most divorce lawyers are broken into 2 types - those that work mostly for women or those that work for men. They become experts in fighting battles for the particular sexes and so you want one that has experience for your best interest.

How much does it actually cost to get a divorce?

It cost much more than you probably think. The main reason why is that most people think that the biggest cost is the divorce itself but that is dead wrong. Running two households and dealing with all those expenses (instead of 1 household before) can put many people into a real state of financial ruin. If you have kids, the cost grows even higher with child support or even the cost involved in a trial for child custody. Moving expenses come into play as well since you and your spouse may both have to move into smaller homes. I'm sure you can imagine all the things that add up when dealing with a divorce and it's aftermath. If you have children and plan on getting custody or visitation rights, expect a divorce to cost you at least $25,000 or more. That doesn't include all the child support or alimony payments that continue for years after the divorce is final. If you are thoroughly depressed with the reality of all this, go back to step 1 again and try to make your marriage work (it's a lot cheaper to stay married than it is to get divorced).

Child Custody and Visitation

This is perhaps the hardest emotional part of a divorce, the child custody and visitation decisions. It's one thing to come to a decision with your spouse that divorce is the last and only option and that you will both go your seperate ways, but with children all that is thrown out the door. Kids don't understand complex adult relationships and they certainly don't always know that it is not their fault that their parents are getting divorced. You will probably have to fight to get custody/visitation and usually the woman is given custodial rights to the children. You need to develop a plan that will be presented to the judge who will oversee the custody hearings.

Spousal Support and Alimony:

Today spousal support is somewhat of a rare thing. Many people believe it is assumed, but nearly one out of six divorce cases never even consider it as an option. In the past the wife was almost always the recipient, but the courts no longer view gender as a consideration. In most states marital conduct is also not a consideration. It is purly a decision made due to the economic consequences of each spouse. If an agreement between spouses is reached out of court, the court will give it significant consideration. Temporary spousal support is more common and occurs at time of separation. It is either agreed upon or an order is issued. The temporary support is generally intended to try to preserve the standard of living of the family. Of course it is rather difficult for a family's income to suddenly be maintaining two households, so the standard of living most often tends to decline.

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